My niece was born on July 9, 2009.
She is so adorable but such a crybaby sometimes.
I've been living with my sister to help her take care of the baby and stuff. It's been pretty cool. Besides the fact that I have the "night shift" with my sister on taking care of Haley. haha. Most nights she's pretty good and doesn't cry & actually sleeps. We're trying to get her to sleep through the night before we have to go back to school & work. Babies start sleeping through the whole night when they reach about 13 pounds. Haley's at about 9 now probably. haha. Either way- she is such a handful sometimes but she is sooo loved by all of us.

I'm not sure how I feel about the upcoming semester. I'm such a procrastinator sometimes. I'm setting some small goals to hopefully achieve my bigger ones faster. I just don't want to let my family down. Feels like I could do so many things but I just can't focus on one thing. I think the thing is that I'm scared. Ugh, it sucks.

I turned 20 on July 14. Aaron planned a suprise dinner for me and most of my close friends came. It was nice. It was sweet for him to arrange that for me, especially since we had recently had a conversation that led me to cry because I felt like I had drifted so far from my friends that they had all just not cared anymore. I really didn't plan on doing anything at all for my birthday- not even mentioning it at all. Mehh. Since I haven't really been in touch with a lot of people lately since everyone's pretty much drifted their own ways. I wasn't really expecting to have anyone remember. I was happy when I saw who was all there, don't get me wrong. I just felt like when it was time to go- everyone was glad that it was over. Like they didn't really want to be there anymore.
The last part to my  birthday though was funny. Aaron is driving to take me home and ends up saying "we have to go to your house..." it's already like..10 or something, so I didn't understand why he said we had to go to my house when I'd been staying with my sister. We get to my parent's house and I see Charlyn's car there. We're walking to the door and I was holding my keys. I realized my house key was gone because I have a Hello Kitty key cap on it- so it was easy to see it wasn't there. I saw a shadow in the window and open the door. HAHA- Charlyn, Anne Marie, Christina, and Jeff come out of the shadows singing Happy Birthday and dancing. It was so funny cuz they were all so into it and stuff. It was so cute. They baked me 2 cakes. a 2 and a 0. In two of my fave colors, green and purple. They were good too. Nomnom.
Jessica got me a card & balloons. Han & Mikol got me the 88 Color Eye Shadow Palette from Coastal Scents (LOVE IT!!!). Aaron bought me MAC makeup & the MAC Eyeliner brush, a dolphin necklace & earrings and a glass turtle figure thingy, lol. His parents gave me a TJMAX giftcard and a bracelet. Jeff bought me an ipod wall plug (so I didnt have to borrow his! hahaha). Christina got me a cute bracelet & the New Moon poster. Glori got me the New Moon poster (so now I have two! harhar) and a poster of Edward (mmm), and a Twilight keyring chain thing. My Ate Cathy & Stan sent me a Target giftcard & the book My Sister's Keeper (since I said I wanted to read it so bad). I think that's everything I got. =)

I dont think I blogged about Hawaii. UGHHH..I LOVED IT AND I'M ACHING TO GO BACK. It's so beautiful there. I want to do more things next time I get a chance to go. My sister's wedding was beautiful, and she looked amazing. I had to hold back my tears during the ceremony. I cried during my lame maid of honor speech.We danced. I could go on and on about Hawaii.

I need to get this out.
Aaron and I have been dating for a year and almost 7 months. Hard to believe sometimes. This is the longest relationship for the both of us. Aaron can come off as annoying, arrogant, or just a jerk at first. I honestly thought the same way when we met again after a few years. He went to my 16th birthday party and I hardly even noticed him. haha. Oops. Anyways, I know how he is. I know how he acts, how he can come off at first, and when he says the wrong things at the wrong time.
But seriously...I hate how sometimes, people just don't let things go. Things happen, they're done and over with. I don't like when people who are supposedly real with me, and care about me then turn around and just talk crap about my boyfriend to other people. Then it gets to me and they deny it. Then I hear that "Oh as long as you're happy". Yeah I'm happy. I care about Aaron a lot. It's like people are saying that I could do better. If you think that- then why not just say it? I also HATE that most people think I'm "stuck up Aaron's butt and don't do anything without him". Aaron and I aren't always together. We actually don't get that much time together at all but weekends. Some weekends he has to work for overtime. I don't go out anymore really. Usually I'm at work, but right now I've been staying at my sisters to help her throughout the day. I just really don't like when people assume.
I just want to ask my friends their honest opinion of Aaron & I. Seriously, because it actually hurts when I get such a strong vibe that people need to tell me something but they just DON'T. I hate it when you ask someone something then they just shrug and say "oh nothing.." but they really are itching to say something.
My dad gets along with Aaron a lot and they're able to talk about a lot of different things. It makes me happy to see them get along. My dad actually sat us down one day to talk and asked Aaron and I if we were serious...and that ment a great deal to me. (We said yes) If my Mom & Dad are talking about my relationship freely to me and about our future- then they obviously see that I'm happy and I'm in love with this boy. We might fight and clash on certain views and topics but we are able to see the other's point of view. We talk about different things and we learn from each other. It's pretty stable but with a few bumps along the road. But what relationship doesn't have that? Even if we fight a million times over little things, we can still make it better. I'm gonna love you...forever.



It feels like I have so much more to say, but I don't know how to get it all out.

ha, i wanted to post a blog and everything looks so new on here that I couldn't find the "post a new weblog" button.

Anyways.
I need to get some stuff out.
I feel like I'm trapped.

A lot has been going on in life lately.
I think way more than I can handle.
Do you ever feel like you always say "yes" to everything?
I feel like Katherine Heigl in 27 dresses, where the guy asks her if she ever says no to anything and she realized that she doesn't. So he tests her. and she does well- until he kind of catches her off guard and realizes that she even says yes to small things that don't seem to matter but they kinda actually do. Haha, I ramble a lot.

Well. School- I have no freaking idea what I am going to do with my life at this point in time.
I feel like I'm just being a failure to everyone. It's like I can't take anything seriously because I feel like if I narrow myself down then I'm locking myself in an area when I know I have more potential. I don't know, It's all rediculous to me. & now that I'm typing it out it is actually pathetic.
That is the standing point I am at right now. I feel so pathetic & a waste of space.

My family life.
Wow, where to begin there.
I LOVE THEM...but sometimes they drive me insane!
My cousin just moved here from the Philippines and I know that it is going to take a lot for her to adjust to living here in the United States.
I know for a fact that she is homesick and all and that she wants to try to keep in touch with who she can and as often as she can. I feel bad because she is here living with us, but her mom is working in Tampa so she can't spend as much time with her mother who she's been trying to be with for so long.
But yeah, needless to say- we were both brought up SO extrememly different.
It just makes it hard for us to communicate too.
I know that I am not the most organized person on the planet to where I'm organized for everyone else, but hell- I am organized according to me. & when I put something somewhere, I want it there.
WELL- that's not the case lately! I feel like my bubble has been popped and it can't pop no more.
I have to share my room, my bed, my laptop, my bathroom, my everything and all of that I don't mind. But once I don't even know where half my stuff is or how the hell it got into the area it did when I need it- that's when I can't handle it. OR when I need my computer to do homework or study or something or to run my Mary Kay- I CAN'T GET ON IT because she's video chatting or something.
I don't want to be rude and be like "EXCUSE ME..GET OFF MY STUFF SO I CAN USE IT!" haha. but yeah...I don't know. It's just hard sometimes because I'm used to just having my stuff available when I need it.
I'm actually on my dad's brand spankin' new computer because he FINALLY freakin after like so many years my dad decides to listen to me and get a new computer. He was using Windows 1998. HAHAHAHA. Laugh with me now, please. Give me that much.
I like it so far, and it doesn't freeze as soon as you hit the power button. haha. He got a nice flat screen 19" monitor. It's pretty shweeet if I do say so myself.

Oh, where was I? I forgot. It's cuz I'm fat.
I need some new glasses.

I guess I'll talk about my Mary Kay.
Mary Kay is cool. If you work hard, the business will work for you.
It is my calling at certain times, but other times it doesn't work the way I want to.
I try hard but I guess sometimes it just doesn't seem to work for me.
Everyone has their opinons about it; I'm just a little tired of hearing that Mary Kay is for OLD PEOPLE.
It really isn't. They've upgraded a whole lot. Mineral Makeup & I like their shadows a lot. I just wish we had a few more to chose from; either way I love them. haha. The primer is wonderferrr and makes the colors pop & last a long time (for me at least cuz I have oily lids).
Mary Kay is actually so much cheaper than MAC eyeshadows. I just bought 2 Mac shadows today and i spend like frkin $30 for TWO!!!! I CAN GET 4 OF MY MARY KAY ONES FOR $30!
My cousin is a Mac-a-holic (and I think I might be dragged in) and she bought a crapload of mary kay from me and she loves it too, along with the Mac esp. the prices! hahaha.
I wanted to spoil myself today. Oh, I bought a Besty purse today at the Mall. FOR $20! ORIGINALLY $100! it's christina's fault, she told me about the sale. hahaha. i LOVE it.
By the way- I have a makeup brush addiction. Actually, I have a makeup addiction in general. Oh geez. I've finally admitted it. haha.
hit up my website & buy a few things while you're at it. It's well worth it.
www.marykay.com/dnitura1215
I love the products.

On that note, I had a dream that I became one of those girls on youtube that does makeup reviews and stuff and gets to try all these products and go to makeup shows.
I am subscribed to pursebuzz on youtube and I occassionally read http://nessasarymakeup.blogspot.com/ cuz she's really interesting.
I love youtube to find out ways to mix and match colors and application techniques too.
I went to pier park today and went to Ulta for the first time and I fell in love. haha. I didn't buy anything though because I had already splurged too much.
I need a makeup organizer holder thinga-majig. I actually want a whole new vanity area for my room.
My room needs a huge pick-me-up. I can't wait to get new furniture and stuff. I'm debating which room I should take when we renovate for my cousin. My other cousin from Tampa, Glori, is going to move here too probably during the summer so she can go to GCCC. I'm not sure how we're going to do this whole room situation at the house. or if someone's going to live with my sister and the one on the way. We shall see when the time comes!!!

I can not wait to go to Hawaii.
I have less than 80 days til I depart for 2 weeks.
I am beyond excited. I have so much crap to do before then though that It's not funny.
I need to get my life situated for serious.
This is going to sound so depressing but I need to get it out;
Somedays I just feel like I'm not going anywhere because I'm not going to last much longer. Like something is going to happen to me and I'm just going to...cease to exist. weird, I am.
Sometimes you just go with your gut feeling though, and I got a lot of that goin' on.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape. ;]

I'm on medication.
I have an infection and on top of that my exema is coming back. but in a different form.
It drives me insane because I'll just just itchy on my hands and feet and get random blisters.
It sucks.
I don't really like having to take meds all the time.
I also had a mild case of bronchitis last week & still have a leftover cough.
I don't like going to the doctor. Bah bah bahhh...

I complain and everything but I know that my life is so completely blessed.
I just take things for granted sometimes and just can't make up my mind.
My family cares about me and loves me. I live in a nice house.
I have food.
I have a lot of things that most people don't need everyday.
Sometimes I just have to take a step back and look at the huge picture.
It gets hard because there is so much blocking the view.
My parents work so hard and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve them as the awesome parents they are.
They're getting older and I want to be there for them and care for them like they have for me.
Yeah, some days it feels like they don't care that I'm sick or that I'm having an off day but they'll only know as much as I tell them. I'm glad to have my parents, I just wish I could make them more proud. I just don't know what to do sometimes though.

Aaron and I are doing well.
He has just started working again. This time in Port St. Joe.
Poor baby has to wake up at 4am- drive out there and work until 5:30pm.
I think it's like an hour or so drive there too.
He's working hard though. Gotta pay off that truck & his parents, and bills.
He wants to be put on the boat insurance too so we can take the boat out sometimes, just cuz.
His parents want to sell it but he wants it. haha.
I love him, I really do. Lately I've been seeing it more. That sounds bad for some reason. I don't know why. I guess just to me.
Sometimes it sucks though because I feel like my friends don't really see that I'm happy or something.
People ask if we're still together or whatever and they're just like..ohh, i see. Like they don't want us to be together or something.
My family likes him, from what I know. He treats me well. We have our hard times, but what relationship won't have bad times? We get through them. Sometimes it just feels like I wear the pants more than I'd like too though. haha. That will change in time. Once our lives are hopefully settled....it will happen....eventually.
We both still have a lot of decisions ahead of us. I just really pray that we'll be together. and we're determined to make it work.

Friends.
Doesn't seem like I have much left.
That sounded horrible.
I haven't really hung out with people as much as I used to.
Between work, school, and working at my mom's store and getting family situated- my life has been a mess.
I do get/make the occassional call or texts like: "hey how are you?! I miss you, what's new?! update me!" and they feel like they don't last long enough. I miss all my friends. We're all changing and getting used to new things.
The real friendships will get through all of this muddy disorganized time.
I've just been hanging out with my lunch dates, Jeff & Christina. on Monday & Wednesdays. haha. They're fun but when we're together we spend money. It's crazy. BUT it's our "definition" of spending. haha. & they're a few of my fave. Mary Kay customers.

I love the way this feels. Just getting everything out.
I don't care who sees it. It's my thoughts and what I needed to get out is out.
I think I should make this a habit again. dang it. I always say that about xanga. Then I fall out. then come back.
I'm a yoyo. I can't make up my mind where I want to go and what I want to do.
I haven't been living up to my own standards lately.

hdsgjkfasdhilkfgasifksd what the hell is my problem!?

it's august 13.
1:10am. i should be asleep.
i was talking to my mom for a long time today..it was nice.
i learned a lot of things about my family.
i liked just laying around and talking to my mom. i love her.
my dad's oldest brother passed away about 2 weeks ago.
one of my cousins youngest daughter (she was only 13 months old) passed away 2 days ago due to heart failure.
that's 2 people in my family this year. my oldest sister and i were talking and i agree, I don't think I can handle it.

my mom got 1st runner up in the Ms. Philippines Fundraiser Pageant.
the whole thing was alright. i was running around like usual.
hmm.

my cousins from tampa were in town all last week.
well..glori stayed in panama city with me since like..july 17. haha.
auntie came back with the twins two weeks later.
it was great hanging out with them, except for us spending a lot of money. haa.
we all dont get to see each other often and i'm not sure when we'll meet up again.
i went with my parents to take them back home too. that was fun.

i'm 19. nothing has changed.
thank God for another year.
ate at Kobe's with a small group of friends.
aaron brought me a dozen beautiful red roses to work.
I got a new car. 2009 Toyota Corolla. I like it. It's pretty coool.

babysitting is getting..hmm i dont know.
if i could take them out to do something it would have been more fun.
their summer was bo-ringggg...their parents dont let them do anything. no, seriously.

no one really talks to me anymore.
it kinda makes me sad when someone calls someone they NEVER see that i'm with to hang out but can't get a hold of me when the person they call is living with me. i dont know, that sentence made sense to me. haha.
i know everyone is on 'grown folk' status, but hey- aren't we all still friends?
i hope i dont hear the "oh you're hanging out with your boyfriend" junk.
he sees that i dont hang out with my friends and he doesnt know why i dont. he doesn't stop me from hanging out with people. i know me babysitting M-F alll friggin' summer and then going straight to work didnt give me time to hang out with anyone until late or on the weekends. my only actual "free" day was saturdays.
i understand that we're all working, our schedules conflict, driving distance, ect ect...but i just feel like i'm not wanted/welcome any more. i'm a bad friend.

i'm overwhelmed.
aaron and i went to pier park today to pay a bill for my mom.
and we just decided to go to zales..just to look and i wanted to see this ring that i saw on their website that i really liked. as soon as we walked in the lady saw my "Frankie says RELAX, DON'T DO IT" shirt and she said "Did you just buy that shirt?! I love that!!!" haha and she started air-guitaring! oh, did i mention she was an older woman?! hahaha it was greaaaat.
but yeah, i guess aaron remembered her from when he was with his parents at a diff. jewelry store she worked at. and so she asked us what we were looking for/at and aaron told her about the ring! ahhhhhhh.
i saw it and i LOVELOVELOVE it. i got to try it on and everything. she asked us what it was for...and that's where i started to get all jittery. we ended up sitting there talking about our relationship, our families, what he & i have discussed about future plans. like she said "when you know, you know."
and she was getting so giddy just talking to us and i was smiling the whole time as aaron was telling her stuff and she even said "it's real, just look at the way he is looking at her! you know he is in love with her". there were 2 younger girls in the store working too and they were even listening in on our conversation! HAHA.
We are soo young, but like she said...when you know..you just know. i even asked my mom how she knew my dad was the one.."i just knew". of course, of course...school first. i'm in no rush to be married.
but yeah- that ring was gorgeous. and she was freakin' awesome! she knocked off like $600 right then and she gave us the information about it for future reference and she sized my finger too. haha.
oh yeah, and i still am in shock that aaron's mom seriously asked him about his feelings towards me. asking if he plans to marry me and if he loves me. his MOTHER asked him that. *sighhhhhh*
we talked to that lady about a lot. even when we left...we talked about a lot of stuff together. wow. this is incredible.


i need to sleep.
i miss my friends.
life is hitting me in the face.
school is in 2 weeks. i'm dying.
i'm so fortunate to have so much in my life.
my parents are wonderful.
i miss my sister.
i rearranged my room. FINALLY. thank goodness glori was here to help me. haha. and charlyn happened to stop by too. oh, she's friggin 17 now too. GEEZ and jeff's 19th bday is tomorrow too!
i have to babysit tomorrow. the little 7 yr. old boy, alan, actually asked me randomly one day (very quietly) "do babysitters....really sit on babies?" hahaha. he's a brat sometimes.

lahh-whooo-zaaa-herrrr.
i'm sleepy.